strength and his weakness
by Evide
Summary: A fallen angel, a corrupted Celestial, a dark darkness, but whom to blame? None but me, and my own inner weakness. But then again, maybe it was destiny just as Lady Fate designed for me. But maybe...it was something different? [Warrior of Darkness drabble


Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon, simple as that.

"Seraphimon upheld our world system of law and order, Cherubimon protected all our knowledge and legends, and I fostered the appreciation of all life and love."

—Ophanimon, Episode 34: Operation; Free Ophanimon

Kouichi Kimura's perspective; 1st person

**Strength and his Weakness**

"...because you are weak..."

"It was because you were weak, because you succumbed. It was your fault, your own darkness." I listen to the words, those poisonous words, as if they were water onto my parched throat. I was asking for it, asking for a reason. I wanted to know, and this was what I heard; my answer. As if a million and more questions answered, I was fulfilled. No more weighing confusion on my heart. I chose to believe those poison words, words only I heard in myself, echoing from a voice lost long ago in my tumbling darkness.

I was weak, and that was all I was. I was only for the use of darkness, and that alone. There was nothing else. That was what was whispered in my darkness, in my nighttime fears, along with the endlessly replaying scenes of my memory. His large smile; corrupt and sly, feeding from his honey, from darkness. His golden eyes, clouded with unrealistic thought; illogical thanks to a fallen angel. Darkened skin, once pure and smooth, wrinkled with anger and jealousy. An ominous aura, once bright and knowledgeable and light like a Celestial aura would seem to be, turned red and dark with the feeling of pain and cold glowing from his form. He was hurt, and in turn, so was I. I was weak, not able to stand up against his darkness that he chose for me.

A fallen angel, a corrupted Celestial, a dark darkness, but whom to blame? None but me, and my own inner weakness. My own feelings eating away at me, a sea of mine own for me to drown in. It was mine, this weakness, this answer for myself. My own that I accepted for myself, that I envisioned to be told by him who was not to blame. Him who had been turned straight around from his true feelings and desires only to turn onto me, to use me. But again, it is only my own fault, a rain on myself that I have created from this vast sea to drown in. A vast sea of my own.

He, the protector of all knowledge, of all legends, but not holding my answers. He, chosen to hold the divine night, the shining silver blade, the Mother Earth and all blossoming leaves. A Celestial; corrupt.

"...because you are weak..." But am I still? I hear these words, I accept them fully, open arms an invitation for my own tumbling questions. All I want is answers, all I want is knowledge. Maybe the own knowledge that he had once carried; he who had turned for me. And maybe, it was him who saved me in the first place, maybe I was so weak he knew I would not last. He took me in and my weakness beckoned for darkness, maybe. How can I be sure? There is no longer a way to ever know. Only maybe, myself should know. But all I hear is his words, and all I can do is to trust them. Because I am weak.

"_You know, I've been thinking about us meeting here and all. I guess it must be destiny. We are light and darkness, after all."_

We had been on that beautiful heaven, had we not, when you spoke this to me. It felt surreal, for a moment, lost in our own words. A small light through the darkness, an answer for us. You wanted answers, too, did you not? Just as I, maybe more, maybe these same questions I hold? I felt a connection, maybe, between you and I, hopefully. Because, maybe, just maybe, Lady Fate had designed this out for me. The darkness was neither because of my own feelings or my inner weakness, nor because of you. Just a design in Lady Fate's long, elaborate plan of life. Maybe... she meant it to be this way for me, had she not? Or have I designed my own destiny in myself? I remember those words you said, they seem reassuring, but they do not fill me as I had hoped my answers would. Maybe no answers would fulfill me, no matter how many questions I harbored.

I wonder about this, that if Fate is set in stone or if one paints his own future? If I were to go back into my history, would everything that happened to me happen or would it change? Another never-ending question to cycle through my head and play meaningless images of the different worlds that could have befallen me. I also wonder if these pictures run through your head in your sleep, as they do mine? Do they cycle through you, or do you let them just pass you by and pay no head? I would ask you, had I courage enough like never before.

I dream on my thoughts, and I scare myself with words from Lady Fate or, at least, words I imagine her to have for me. What she plans for me? Maybe, are you afraid too? You had once said you feel for me, do you find these dreams in your mind, also? I wonder, but I never ask. More questions, never answers. As Fate would paint for me a long, endless, unanswered road I was to follow blindly. But my eyes are open now, and I feel a need to ask.

Maybe, this darkness was only a stepping stone for my life? Maybe, there could be more for us? Or maybe, it is my own destiny that I just close my eyes and forget all this nonsense. Does darkness wonder? Maybe the night is not supposed to be haunted with fruitless searching of questions... But is it not when in the comfort of darkness, one feels his questions coming over him? Or does sleep give one the answers he seeks within his dreams world? A time to fold away from ones' life, maybe? My questions, made from nothing, to only roll down my mountainous mind of confusion.

"_We are light and darkness, after all."_ Maybe, because Lady Fate had you in mind as light, in turn it was to be me to harbor darkness? Or maybe was it the other way around? Was it for me chosen and you only to follow? I have hopes that it was not that way. Just for my darkness, you would have to be the sword of light to save me. It sounds... very... nice, though, am I allowed to think?

Maybe it really was destiny that we meet, as I had to follow you. I was not to tell you, but I wished to. There was no time when that fallen star came to us, as Fate would want it. As Fate herself and I would like it to be. You and I, we were to be together, as Fate would like? It sounds wonderful, does it not? Shall I ask you? Maybe...

Maybe it wasn't fate, though. Maybe destiny is made from each person? Painted across his own river of fortune as one dots his own sky. Just as I chose this darkness myself, maybe... just so that you would notice me? Is that harmful to myself, or is it just wishful thinking?

"_But you were strong and turned away from the darkness..."_

Maybe that could have been true. Maybe it was because I was _strong_ that I was chosen?

I don't think that is so. It could not be true... could it? If you had been chosen, had there been any difference, I wonder? For your strength looks to surpass mine. But, maybe they are different. My strengths differ from yours, do they not? We are opposites, night and day, and never in the same place at the same time, yet I've stood near you for all that I wanted.

Maybe it was the darkness inside me that was strong, or maybe it was because I had your strength and your light that I could withstand it? Maybe you had the strength for the both of us? Does it not sound as if you had that power, for you seemed to harbor it all along. You saved me, in the end.

Maybe it was because of all the darkness that I have gone through up to this point in which I am strong enough to handle it now. Have you felt this pain before we met? I wonder... does the moon feel the sun's pain as it shines it's light? Maybe the moon and the sun are like us, mine own strength only a shimmering image of your own, your reflection.

The spitting image of yourself, yet not. I wonder how it was for you to know? I know how it was for me, and I need not ask, do I? Chilling to know, yet a warmed presence within me only to confirm your light down in my heart.

It contradicts all that I may have once accepted, but maybe, just maybe, I was strong enough to hold this darkness. Maybe it would have been the same for you, or maybe things could have gone different. Do you wonder as I do? Or does your light only shed you of your curiosity and show you your answers? Sounds ...heavenly.

Heaven.

Is that maybe where my questions will be answered?

I am not sure anymore.

**Owari**

Spurred by The Odyssey; not by the Greek Gods or Goddesses but by the wordplay and the way it was very figurative and overall poem-like. The idea was of the many questions of how and why Kouichi became the Warrior of Darkness, and there was specifically no set time line... except there is references and quotes from the show... I had nothing in mind, really, save for maybe when he was dying?

Explanations: I almost thought about posting this into 'O Yumemiru', but decided against it because it is in Kouichi's point of veiw, and it wasn't focused on the twin's bond. Instead, it was primarily focused on what the "Warrior of Darkness" meant. I've had a few ideas like this flitter through my mind, but this is a bit more figurative and a little more descriptive than the other things... So, this is kinda old, but I just made myself post. Is seems a bit yucky to me, but I'm afraid I think I'm done with it.


End file.
